I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
