i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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