I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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