My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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