OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
