My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
