fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No subtext here. People are naked.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
