Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
