First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
