either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
