Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
