Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
