he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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