I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
