Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?

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(912): View more from Georgia

I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.

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(205): View more from Alabama

After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.

(616): View more from Michigan

Already at 3 and it's not even noon.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..

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