I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
