please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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