i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Im part way to drunk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
