I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
