Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
