I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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