Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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