I hate all girls vehemently.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
why does every cop we meet know your name?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
