I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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