Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
