I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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