a queef is a wish your heart makes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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