I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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