I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
