did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
