I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize