At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
