He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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