Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
