i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize