Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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