Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
