got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
