How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
