So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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