peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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