Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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