What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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