Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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