On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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