I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
