haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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