There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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