Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
