he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
