Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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