idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
