I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
