she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize