I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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