Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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