It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
