90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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