just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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