Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
