I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
