so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I enjoy the company of your penis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
