you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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