areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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