Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
