fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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